Sunday, January 22, 2017

Allowing myself to take control.

As a man, I'm too respectful to women. Being a gentleman is all well and good, but men need to make the first move. To me, this is an unwelcome responsibility. I am always second-guessing myself. I almost feel guilty for showing that I would like to have sex.

I am not good at pickup lines or smooth maneuvers. But I am good at faking confidence. I am good at seeming content. I believe that I tend to seem disinterested in sex. In many past cases, females have assumed that I'm gay. 

I am a good friend. I can be trusted with secrets. I can listen and give advice. 

I have never been sure how to detect the line where friendship meets casual romance. I have failed this many times. I am almost positive that I was supposed to put a hand on her legs. I also could have attempted a kiss. Instead, I remained aloof. I took a deep breath, and I held the moment dear.

I have tried my best to avoid being a predator of any sort. My actions are often an apology for my gender and its norms. But this is going to stop. I am a man, albeit a weird one, and I am allowed to take control.

1 comment:

John said...

I struggle with this constantly. I've found being direct is often appreciated. It takes practice, and willing to feel stupid or awkward, but is usually rewarded with thanks. Whether "Can I touch/kiss/whatever you?" is met with a yes or a no, the person I asked is grateful for me looking to get consent first.

With sex and love so much is left to be implied in order to seem smooth and natural, but everyone has doubts and misgivings. Clear questions strip away the confusion, and make things better. I've found being physical with someone is way better when I know what they want.