Sunday, April 3, 2011

Feelings of inadequacy

I don't know what I am. I'm proud to call myself a bicycle mechanic and a generally nice guy. That's not my place on Earth. I can't be sure that I have place. I don't think it works like a puzzle. I doubt pre-destiny and fate. Sometimes I just want to hide or disappear. That happens when I feel like I did today.

We had a new guy start at work. I'm leaving in a month, and this guy is my replacement. I worked with him one day, and I think he's going to be a great asset to the shop. I trust that he will be able to organize and plan better than me. He probably doesn't have anxiety, and he likely doesn't get so easily overwhelmed.

The basement was a mess. There were bicycles stacked everywhere, and it totally lacked order. I came in today, and it's all fixed. That pretty much says it all. I feel like this guy has completely upstaged me, and for all my useless facts and fixes, I suck at my job. Suck is too harsh, but it's also a relative term, and I feel uneasy about how much I comparatively suck at being the manager of a bicycle shop. I'm a series of Achilles heels.

The only saving grace is that I can tell myself this was never supposed to be a career. Also, I truly do want the best for the shop. This guy will help. I should be happy about that - and I am - but at the same time I am humbled, and I feel small.

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