I'm not being hard on myself or trying to quit. I'm spending too much, but I'm doing it on beer instead of lifestyle 'upgrades' that most people chase ad nauseam. My nausea, I guess. A black Lexus and some fancy shoes probably didn't make anyone too sick when their card was swiped.
My personal concern is that life is too short to chase answers down that particular hallway. Sometimes it seems strange that being an alcoholic who lives in a van looks like a noble choice. Not too alcoholic... just drinking too much and being aware of it. Strange too that I still identify as a vandweller as I sit on a leather couch that sits three feet from a big flatscreen television. I need to find my way again. I need to paint my nails again because the pink ones all chipped away.
I'll be fine. I'll always be fine.