Bank of America is totally screwing me over. At some point they started to charge $2 every time you go to an ATM other than theirs. I should have paid closer attention to my statements. Customer service was not impressed with my logical explanation of why these fees should be reversed. They said the policy changed a long time ago. Apparently their logic is that the screw-over has been going on for a long time, so it's basically acceptable due to some kind of grandfather clause on sneaky screw-overs. The conversation was calm and only ended when I confirmed to my satisfaction that there was literally no person and no button that could be pushed to amend this situation.
I closed the account. Take that, huge bank. You'll never see my assumed-homeless body encroaching in your branches again.