Monday, February 21, 2011

Sitting in Kennett. General state of my existence.

I'm sitting around on the couch in Kennett. Spots the cat is getting old. My parents are both retired these days, and now they're on vacation as well. While they're in Florida, I'm doing a lazy job of watching the cat. She's getting smaller and skinnier, and I don't know if she's enjoying her life. She throws up a lot.

I've been regularly irate and feeling overwhelmed. Between big life plans, winter, and not knowing if I'm on the right track, it all feels more difficult than it probably really is.

I'm in a good mood for a reasonable amount of my time. I don't take anything terribly seriously, but I'm also randomly afraid to die. I don't want to die. Will I be reincarnated? Is something like heaven possible? Doesn't seem likely, nor does it matter. You can't know. It shouldn't be scary, but sometimes it is.

I quit drinking. Except for last night. I went ahead and drank a lot of whiskey last night. I don't feel good about it, but I don't feel too bad either. It was fun until I stopped remembering what was going on. Then I woke up on the couch with an extremely dry mouth. Maybe it'll all be ok.

I'm leaving on a bicycle trip in May. Hopefully that will be fun. I'm saving some money, and hopefully it cheers me right up and gives me some new perspective. Part of me always wants to leave and never come back. A big part of me also wants to buy some land and live in a vehicle. I've checked on empty lot prices in Philadelphia. Philly is a pretty decent place if you cut out the winter part.

I'm 28. Getting older slowly and passing time. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, or if I ever will be.

No comments: