Monday, July 7, 2014

Feeling Overwhelmed. Feeling Unwanted. Feeling clobbered and destroyed.

I am feeling so unwanted. I am feeling like a burden carrying burdens. I can only shrug my shoulders so many times until my back starts to break. I'm trying to pull myself together, but I'm being crushed by responsibility that I'm not even sure is real.

Little comments are being made, and I am feeling that I am getting severely in the way at the bigger house. It's a work in fucking progress. It's a GODDAMNED work in FUCKING progress. Believe me. I will move out the moment it seems possible. I will leave everything clean and organized in my wake. Give me ten more seconds and I will have my figurative shit together and my physical bullshit out of here.

Slow progress makes me look like an asshole. I'm not a typical American son who is going to finish college fucking ever. I don't see that happening. Why? Because college is fucking stupid. It's also a huge waste of money. Look at me. College is not doing anything for me, and you're going to have to trust me on that. Believe me. I know myself better than you.

I'm a big weird elephant whose bullshit is clogging other people's personal space. I don't understand why I can't just throw everything away and have every single area I inhabit clean in a day or two. This shit is taking me FOREVER. I know that. Welcome to ADHD. Why don't YOU try sprinting in waist deep water? Give me one goddamned more minute. I'm unable to breathe. I swear I will fucking leave. I always do. Remember?

Worry not, Chris Harne. Just remember that everything is as fake as it seems.

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