Thursday, August 10, 2023

Alcohol Use Disorder and my experience with Disulfiram after three weeks.

I like the term "alcohol use disorder." It sounds vague and impersonal. Unlike the term "alcoholic" it doesn't seem to imply guilt or require a disclaimer about what amount of shame should or shouldn't be felt. It's abbreviated AUD. Clean and clinical. You can read about it in the DSM-5.

I've been calling myself an alcoholic for decades, the same way I've been labeling myself as having ADHD, all while knowing that neither one of these labels paints a precise picture. Both terms are just common shorthand for a complex personal situation. I could go on about this for hours.

I asked my doctor to prescribe to me the drug which makes a person violently ill if they drink alcohol. It used to be marketed under the name Antabuse, but the name of the drug is Disulfiram. I'm taking it.

The most slippery aspect of quitting has always been impulsivity. Whether you want to celebrate or mourn or you simply feel tickled by an inkling, it all goes better with booze. I am a person who cannot be told what to do. I will not fall in line easily. I mutter or exclaim the phrase "fuck everybody, fuck every thing" constantly like a mantra. Even when it's me giving the orders to myself, and those orders are given with good intentions about preserving my health and wellness, I rebel. Nobody, including myself, can keep a beer out of my fucking hand if I want a beer in my fucking hand right now

If there is one thing I hate more than being told what to do, it is feeling sick. I become a big baby if I feel so much as a sniffle. Disulfiram makes you sick if you consume even a small amount of alcohol. Proper boozing could be dangerous or fatal. Disulfiram has the capacity to cause a possible reaction for up to two or three weeks after you stop taking it. I take it every morning. 

This is the easiest time I have ever had after a quit, because the insidious insistence of impulsivity is absent. Consuming alcohol today would be approximately as logical as smashing my toes with a hammer.

From what I've read on the matter, there seems to be unanimous consensus that while treating AUD with medication has shown overwhelmingly positive results, the treatment should always be accompanied by counseling and support. I have as yet sought no such support, because I am busy and I'm sick of people telling me what to do.

1 comment: said...

Think before you Pig.