Monday, February 4, 2019

Living in Austin.

Phew. Sure wish I was updating this shit more often. I'm barely even keeping track of what I'm up to in a notebook these days. Mostly I want to keep track of this shit for myself to look back on when I'm old and bored and wondering what the hell I was doing throughout my life - seeing that I can't remember whether certain shit happened last week or a year ago most of the time. I don't know what's up with that. My mental timeline is way off, and I mostly just say everything happened "about ten years ago." I remember tons of detail about events, but have no real clue when they happened. I guess that's fine, 'cause it's gotta be. No other choice. This is what I've got.

I'm in Austin now. I got here on Friday. I'm trying to rent a room somewhere, which feels like an absolutely monumental task. I checked out a place Friday afternoon. It smelled funny, and it's a room in a shared house with individual month-to-month leases for each room. Seems like kind of a high-risk random roommate situation.

I checked out another place that blew my mind. I met with the roommates in this sorta co-op-ish situation with an absolutely giant and beautiful room. I thought the interview went well. Apparently not well enough, because I got an email saying that they didn't think I'd be a good fit. That felt kinda bad. I'm a fucking weirdo. I want people to like me, though. I'm pretty mentally invested in being well liked. I have to let some of that shit go, 'cause as it turns out I'm not for everybody. I think I'm cool. I think they didn't really get who I am or what I'm about. And I'm a fucking weirdo. Damnit. I feel fucking insane, and I really can't control that.

So I'm here in Austin. I have been mostly very happy to be here. I love Austin, and that's why I'm here. Trying to make a go of it and stay here for awhile. But I'm feeling anxiety about the unknown, and not doing a very good job at reducing alcohol consumption. Fuckit. I'll sort all my shit out in good time. Austin is a good spot to feel like a crazy person. Feels forgiving for that kind of thing.

I at least got a shower today. I needed one. I went to Barton Springs - a natural pool - and they didn't even charge me to enter. She just looked at me and said "you're good." Cool. Hot shower. Washed the stale beer out of my hair. That's another story I guess.

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