I went on the Thursday bicycle ride again. The ride is the best thing I have going for me in Austin. I met a guy toward the end of the ride - he was on a borrowed cruiser bike drinking a Lone Star. He was wondering where we were and why everyone was loafing around on some basketball court. I explained that from my experience, this is part of the ride. There is a stopping point about three quarters of the way through so that everybody can drink more beer and smoke more weed. Last week it was in a park across from a police station. Clearly this sort of behavior is accepted in Austin. A hundred people with open containers making clouds of reefer smoke? Ain't bothering nobody. No problem. (Just don't litter.)
The dude I met was visiting from Eugene Oregon. This got me to thinking: why the fuck aren't I in Eugene Oregon? I love it there. Is Oregon really that much further than Texas? I shoulda gone to Oregon. God Damnit.
Shit got horrible for a few days. My mood went in the toilet and I stopped talking much and got real angry and fed up. All the feelings of being overwhelmed and unwelcome flooded in. Uncertain. Incapable. Smart in the wrong ways. Too stupid to recognize obvious patterns. Unable to exist. Unable to remember to breathe.
Shit got horrible. Shit is similar to that right now. I need to quit drinking again, or slow down the tap. Alcohol is eating my brain again and I'm not liking the results. Fuckit. I guess that's what I'm trying to say.