Monday, June 2, 2008

Full of thoughts

But maybe talking about so many thoughts is just a random weave of nonsense. Let me know who's reading this shit. People tell me they are. I don't know that I make it very easy to follow or care about. I try to be interesting, but I sure don't go out of my way. I don't want to ask everyone to comment and tell me who you are. But I'm curious, so if you want to... you can comment and let me know who you are.

My thoughts definitely seem to keep me from getting bored any more. I can't remember the last time I was really bored. For a guy who does a whole lot of sitting and staring off into space, that's pretty good. I call it 'meditating.' Maybe it is, maybe it's not - but who's going to tell a guy he's meditating wrong?

I was really excited to see a fox a few nights ago. It walked past my open van doors. I've seen foxes, and there seem to be more in the area - but this was special because it was only a few feet in front of me, and had no clue I was there. I was very impressed with myself for being silent and still long enough for that to occur. I was proud that the fox didn't see me. I've had a cat visit my van too. And one morning a little bird flew in. And while I'm listing dinner guests, I had a huge scary bee that sounded like an airplane. That was the same morning as the bird. Busy day.

7:21pm, I'm hung over still and my stomach feels wobbly. My chest feels something akin to what I [probably falsely] believe to be a symptom of anxiety. I'm txting Rachel back. My laptop is on my lap.

I kept a personal journal as a kid, and updated it constantly. Almost hourly updates sometimes. It was on again off again, but I still have journals and journals and journals with tons of shit I can barely look back at. Crazy how I used to see everything for exactly how it is when I was still a tiny kid, but I'm still putting it all together to see where I fit in right now. Lifetime of thinking. It's all about perspective. That's becoming my favorite word. I was a seriously white nerdy little weirdo. I'm glad I've learned how to hide that now. Right?

I love my van, and love living in a van. So much. Even if it's looking dangerously similar to bumming around at my parents house at age 25. Fuck it. It's not only the practical and sustainable aspect that I like so much - its that it feels so right and natural. And I feel blessed and lucky that I'm not looking to own a big house. If you don't aspire to be a house-haver, you've just saved yourself a big headache. Wonder how I'll feel about that in the future.

These are good times. I really feel that way. I'm completely failing at finding a way to describe this in a meaningful way. I'm fresh out of analogies. It's like when there's a tree... and .... a frog... and .. FUCK IT. I'm smiling, baby.

6 comments:

Shawn said...

my name is shawn anderson and yours is the only blog i read daily. i enjoy it greatly.

Steve said...

Yeah I read your blog :)

Unless it's usually something I don't have a grasp on. Like when you talk about bicycles with all your high-tech-ery.

have you read "the power of now?"

-Steve

Chris said...

I'm definitely reading. I have my RSS reader hooked up so it tells me when the page has been updated. I'm working on saving up money to get a van so I can move into it. I definitely agree with the idea that not wanting a house makes everything easier, and I can't seem to explain this to people. I tell people that I don't want a house and a family and a picket fence and they look at me like I'm from another planet. I just see people that have those things and how unhappy it makes them, and I've decided to take a different path, one very similar to yours. I found the Truckhouse blog through Tara's page and the truckhouse blog led me here. It's definitely interesting as it is, don't feel like you have to change it.

c said...

my name's chris too. (look at all the chris’ around here! in school all the chris’ went by our last names cuz when someone said “hey chris!” 5 heads would turn around.) i’m a 38 year old husband & father of 3 who never really grew up very much. just woke up one day and everyone said “happy 38th!” it might happen to you one day!

i do my best to stay loose. i abandoned my car a few months ago. i get around using my bike and our city’s light rail system. i have to have a steady job (sitting upon ass in front of computer), but fuck sitting in a car before & afterwards. and as a house-haver, let me just confirm that it sucks. stay away from it if you can.

fuck, but i love me some bikes! i could ride one of them shits all day! i wish i had 1/100th of your knowledge about them. i can change tires and tighten brakes and move my feet up and down on the pedals, that’s about it.

i read your blog regularly. partly to live vicariously through you (since i can’t be quite as loose as you due to the afore-mentioned wife & 3 kids), and partly cuz yer good with a turn of the phrase.

hey harne! you make a WHOLE LOT MORE SENSE than you usually think you do.

-- cannon

B & L said...

the name is brent and i live in indiana, though i have spent a considerable amount of time in the philadelphia area riding bicycles (albeit slightly smaller, bmx versions at the time). i have been homeless, penniless, jobless and i have also had bank accounts. i backpacked/hitch-hiked around europe for a considerable period of time on someone else's dime and spent seven years employed in a bicycle shop in a small city. i would rank the poor and penniless days as the best period of my life...

i had been trying to talk the GF into packing into a van with me right up until the time that we found out we were expecting...she is also a regular reader of your site, for what it's worth. now we just live vicariously through you, so don't let us down!

NASA Videographer said...

I started checking out your blog when you did a radio interview with Don and Mike in December. Living in a truck was and is an interesting way to be yourself. My blog has a link to your blog...it's one of my four favorite blogs.