My sore throat is going nowhere. Lisa suggests a natural approach. No alcohol, no sugar, no bread and carbs. That is what I am doing. Being healthy never hurt, and I'll try anything to make swallowing less painful.
This morning I took a Modafinil. Like Adderall, it assembles my thoughts. One action at a time. I can efficiently complete actions for a series of hours, culminating in what feels like a successful day. Then the stimulant wears off, and I am left feeling anxious. My brain returns to a soup.
My anxiety seems in no way rational. It is a manifestation of chemicals. They will not just shut up. Nothing truly bad results from this feeling. It is uncomfortable, that is all. Nobody knows when it's happening. It feels like I'm waiting for a sky which will not fall. I can either start drinking or wait for it to pass. I can take deep breaths and stare at a wall.
My life is perfect right now. I am doing exactly everything I want. My expenses are low, I am saving money, I am cooking and eating good food. I am meeting new people and experiencing beautiful moments - not every day, but surprisingly often. My recent track record is an undeniable win.
My strategy for life is sustainable. I can exist indefinitely in this manner which I love. Why then should I feel anxious? What worries exist in my body, which my brain is unaware of? No, the anxiety is not rational. It will not, however, just shut the fuck up.