If this is as hard as it gets, then I might be luckier than I assumed. I have a knack for snapping back. I have an iron support system. I feel thankful every day.
I don't want to live at my folks' place a whole lot longer, but I haven't minded spending time here. My marriage was puttering out, and it still seems hard to believe that it's over. It's over? That's what the letter said. I feel relief, and I feel excitement, but there is also a gap. Alone again. Into the open again. Alone to travel through time at whatever pace time decides to travel. I'm thankful to my parents for always providing all the support they can. We get along well these days, and they take care of me.
I am focused on the opportunity to influence my future. Now I know what to do. Initiate escape pod procedure... slowly!
Two months ago, I was in debt. I was living at Kristin's folks' house, and in a hurry to move out. I wanted a house, but knew an apartment came first. Another lease, probably, and only short stints of travel along the way.
Then she kicked me out for being a dick. A harmonious nature never resumed. I guess I was supposed to go back. I was supposed to say something more profound than I'm technically sorry, but. The truth is, we were better off apart. I hope she's better off. I want her to be the best, but I want no responsibility for making it so.
I have the money for an apartment now, but I'll be damned in the neck if I'm going to get one. Not at this moment in time and space. I got out of debt, and I'm working toward paying off other expensive needs - van shocks and back taxes. (So I wish she'd cool it with the debit card at TJ Maxx, and buy some cheaper hooch, but...) Living rent free has provided a boost, and I have been able to squeeze a good income out of books.
The next step, obviously, is moving into a van.
The van won't be ready overnight, and in fact I am in no particular rush. I have a temporary office setup in the basement, and the driveway is a good place to build. I expect to be ready in the earlier part of fall, and move to Key West for the coldest part of winter. It's a plan. I am ready.
A van doesn't need much. That's what I've always said. A bed and a few milk crates for storage. Some discount tablecloths for curtains with some binder clips holding them up. I believe that's all you need, but I am building more. I have an improved bed design, and a new plan for storage as well. If I keep selling some books, I might get solar panels too.
I need to find a new "Life Is Easy Chair" to complete the build.
Step one is to construct my updated bed. I got the idea from searching "vandwelling bed," and made my version today in Sketchup:
The slats slide together like the fingers on your hands. The bed expands from 23 inches to 33 inches, making it usable as a bed, couch, and low table with slats. To put on that, I got a tri-fold 4-inch memory foam pad. That setup, in theory, will give me much more space than I need.
Next, I designed a storage unit to fit some semi-rigid reusable bags that I think are great:
Soon it will be time to put screws through wood.