Sunday, November 25, 2012

Today? It didn't cross my mind.

I'm 30 now. I turned 30 about a month ago. Life is great.

My 30th birthday was also the one-year mark for quitting alcohol. Less than a month later was my one-year mark with Kristin. Yes, it's serious.

I don't know what my 30's will be like, but they're starting off a lot calmer than my roaring 20's. I'm better now. I wouldn't trade this for anything.

I'm glad I started writing about my progress when I was doing interesting things. I was a sexually confused 20-something with an alcohol problem, and I had a lot to scream about. I'm no longer confused, and I'm no longer drinking. My girlfriend is the best. We share a room in an apartment. I'm trying to fuck up our room with a herd of bicycles, and she's using various plants to fill in the remaining space.

I have a great job, and Philadelphia - for now - is my home. I've started up an eBay business on the side. I buy bicycle parts and I re-sell them for more money. All of the income is extra, and it all goes into savings. I'm saving money to buy a little chunk of land in the area, and on that land will go a house. The house might be a tiny woodframe one, or it might be a big shuttle bus. Or both. One promise that I do have is that I will be building it - at least mostly. The house will be a physical representation of my essence. It will be a nutty structure, and it will be one of my greatest projects. There will be comfort and charm and there will be no unwieldy opulence. I will not be caught red-handed weeping into my gold-plated Corn Flakes. Above all else, I will seek to retain maximum control over every aspect of my existence. I will not exchange my ideals for appliances and a ticket to fit in.

I might keep writing here. I don't want to officially quit yet. I like to write. The issue with keeping this up is twofold: First of all, I'm way behind. My last post was months ago, and I just don't want to update with a bunch of information that I don't care about. It feels forced. The other issue is that I think the value of this blog was in telling the slowly unfolding story of a fucked up kid taking hip-shots at life while trying to figure out a proper way to live.

I'm growing up. In a way, I'm settling down. I know what it's like to live in a van, and I know what it's like to travel around on a bicycle. I know what it's like to be afraid to slow down. I know frustration, and I know loneliness. Discontent is tucked in my back pocket.

I'm not much smarter, but I have some experience. There is nothing left but peace in my heart. I have no fundamental needs requiring desperate attention. I want to take what I know and build upon it. I am at home and I am warm, in the most figurative and literal sense.

I bought a new watch today. It's the same style; different color. It looks just like the one I was wearing years ago. It looks just like the one that I accidentally set to go off at 7:21pm, but I haven't set the alarm yet. Today? It didn't cross my mind.

5 comments:

John said...

Hey Chris, glad to hear this. Great news all around. I hope you keep updating, though don't feel compelled to make it exhaustive. Update when it strikes you. Even if it's once a year, I really like seeing where you're at.
Thanks for everything you've written so far, and thanks in advance for what comes next.

Anonymous said...

Chris,

I wander over to 7:21pm now and then because I have always enjoyed reading what you have to say. Also, I have lost track of more than a few of your old (and perhaps abandoned) blogs, and I can find this one quickly. Last night, when I popped in after several days away I was surprised and pleased to find that you had put up a new and cheerful post. It is good to read that all is well in your corner of the world.

Yes, even out here in the Hoosier land, I also believe that there is always room for one more bike...

Bill Hopp

Anonymous said...

Good to hear from you again, glad things are going in the right direction! I have always enjoyed your writing and look forward to hear about your new adventures

Tim Joe said...

Yeah...I don't know, lad. I think that were you to stop posting a valuable voice and perspective would be lost. I, for one, have drawn from your writing quite a bit of inspiration. You are living an examined life, a thoughtful and studied existence while so many (most) others are merely hurtling through the cosmos from one end to the other.

It ain't easy, this shuffling about on the mortal coil, but we do the best we can. Your Blog here is a kind of instruction manual, a little map of the universe that says "You are here" and it helps.

It really helps.

tj

Mariella said...

Glad you're finding peace and happiness, on your terms.