I haven't talked for real here in a long time. I tell myself it's for ethical reasons. Part of me is convinced I can't do justice to what I've seen. I want to quit being shut up and shut down. Sunsets and joy and pain are what I've seen.
In the time since I quit talking, I've been with women. I had a wife and some other weird shit. Sex with a good man one time, and I sincerely wish that had gone better. There is nowhere to begin but here.
A story. How do I pick one.
Electricity between humans. Here is a story I can tell. Electricity and space and skin. It isn't electricity exactly, but there isn't a word for the energy which exists. There are people among us who feel energy. There are people who pump it out like a firehose, and they don't even know it exists. I was a bystander until I pulled the thread and took a $10 24hr long Mega Bus trip on a whim.
I felt the energy and she knew I felt it. Only for a second. I wasn't trying to feel it, but I am open as wide as a book with a broken spine. I felt it for one second flat. It isn't worth anything, but I was there when it happened. Fully electric.
2 comments:
Nice to see you writing and sharing again
I haven't read your blog in a while, but I've always appreciated your raw words and how the bicycle remains relatively constant amidst change and life (I relate to this).
As a queer man that has been struggling with mental health, depression, and finding meaning in spite of that, I have heavily related to and felt seen by your journey. Glad to see you're still posting and I wish you well!
-Stephen
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