I've been woken up from a dream. I woke myself up. I left Austin and returned to Pennsylvania.
I parked in the driveway in Kennett Square. The weather was perfect, and it was mid-afternoon. I entered through the screen door, and felt bizarre. It felt like I'd been away for years. I had a warm welcome from the entire family of Harnes. Even Karl was there, and my nephew Ben.
I am learning the difference between "familiar" and "home." I'm not sure I understand what home is, other than a vicinity where somebody grew up. Sure - this felt like that kind of home. I love the people who I know here, and nothing else.
I walked in with my nails painted. Nobody said anything. Nobody gives a shit. I've made a lifelong habit of being an oddball. At the age of 34, I'm not raising any new flags.
I was a happy silly girl in Austin. Half the time I was. The other half, I was a dude from Philadelphia. The Philly dude speaks low and from the throat. He is aware of his surroundings, and presumably knows how to punch. The girly one is not careful about wrist positions. She always says "goodness!" instead of "Fuck." I went from tough guy to dainty in the same conversation. It was new and peculiar, yet I suppose that's an approximation of how I've always been. This new feminine side caused me confusion at first, but quickly became my preference. I can do whatever I want. I can speak however I feel. Like many things in life, you notice yourself much more than you are noticed by others. The biggest change is almost certainly in my mind.
Pennsylvania can't provide me much. I have people here, and that is the most I can say. I don't see enough of my people, so I'm leaving. I have some loose strings here, but it's back to Austin for Chris Harne. I am establishing a new base of operations there. A new Home base - to spread my branches and consider my roots.