I broke up with Kristin. I went kind of explanatory and catatonic. Plans and exact science made no space for feelings or emotion. We have different futures. She picked the scab, and then we had to talk about it. Those different futures leaked back in time to destroy the present.
She stayed over. I didn't look at her. I tried not to touch. I went to bed early and didn't say much or move unless I absolutely had to. I was frozen. Sunken and frozen in place. I'm fine.
I'm fine. I should be with someone who wears practical shoes. I should be with someone who wants to get dirty and sleep outside. It doesn't mean I don't love her.
Now I'm focused on the Van-Land Savings plan, and that seems to have dredged up an old conversation: the future. We're good now, but we'll have different needs later. I knew that. She's a smart cookie too. I don't want to lose this friendship. We have this great strong wonderful communication. I want to keep her under my arm and relish any connection we can retain.
And I want to feel okay. I don't want to sadly conclude it.